In Your Eyes
by S c h e m a t i c
Summary: Kakashi knows he's special. He's different, and he doesn't mind. He's just a little frustrated. Snippets of Kakashi's life. [FtM!Kakashi/Fem!Naruto]


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

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**In Your Eyes: **Kakashi knows he's special. He's different, and he doesn't mind. He's just a little frustrated. ~Snippets of Kakashi's life. [FtM!Kakashi/Fem!Naruto]

**Warning: **FtM!Kakashi. If you don't know what that means, it means "Female to Male" – as in, Kakashi is transgender. He eventually becomes transsexual instead of just merely transgender.

**NOTE: **The amount of angst in this, holy shit. I didn't mean for it. D8

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**In Your Eyes**

* * *

Kakashi, even at a young age, knew he was special.

Whilst he _was _a prodigy in his own right with the shinobi arts, it was not _those _particular sets of skills that made him special. Even his keen sense of observation, whilst on par with most Chunin (and low level Jounin), did not make him feel _special _nor did it make him a _prodigy _in his eyes.

No, it was the simple fact that he was missing a certain piece of anatomy that all males had.

He _knew_, instinctively, that he was supposed to have one; all males had one, as attested to his frequent hot springs bath with his father and his father's friends (and colleagues), as well as the boy's bathroom at the academy. Simple fact of the matter, though, he _didn't _have one, and that made him special.

He didn't know what females had; he'd never been in the female's bathroom (because he was a boy, and his teacher always told the class that _males _were not allowed in there, for any reason, unless it was an emergency and it was for medical reasons) and he knew he wasn't a female, because he wasn't… _giggly _like them. He'd seen pictures of his mother, and he _knew _he wasn't female because of this.

And, most of all, he knew girls liked boys and boys liked girls.

He… liked girls.

* * *

He was thirteen when he was pulled aside by his Jounin Instructor, Minato, who couldn't look him in the eyes. The blonde took every opportunity he could find to avoid looking at him; at his face, at his body. He cleared his throat, looking increasingly uncomfortable, opened and closed his mouth, and sighed.

That's what hurt Kakashi the most. _That _was why he was usually an antisocial dick, who didn't care about anyone or anything outside of the Shinobi Rules. _Minato_, the person who had said that _everything would be okay_, had hurt his feelings; simply because he wouldn't even so much as _look _in Kakashi's direction. It stung. It hurt him, inside and out, and he didn't even know what he'd _done._

"I think it's time you stopped coming with Obito and I to the hot springs," Minato had said, after a long period of silence where it'd nearly physically _hurt _Kakashi.

He growled, then, much like his summons, and glared up at Minato's blue eyes; the same eyes that still wouldn't even look at him. "Why?" he demanded, and clenched his fists so tightly he half-hoped they _bled_, just so Minato would fucking _look at him_.

"Because you're a girl, Kakashi," Minato responded; he was fast enough to avoid the fist aimed to his face, but not fast enough for the second punch that made him skid backwards. Kakashi glared right at him, and this time Minato was looking right back.

"Stop insulting me," Kakashi replied, fiercely, warningly, angrily. "Just because I'm not as strong as you, doesn't mean you have the right to _insult me to my face_!"

His chest heaved, and there's a painful throbbing there, on the right side of his chest and suddenly, his eyes were wet, his facemask was damp, and he turned around and fled, without looking back –

Because he wasn't a girl.

He'd known that since he was three.

* * *

He was fourteen, months after the Kyuubi hit, when he got unbearable abdominal pains. At first, he'd thought he'd been hit with a rouge kunai on his latest ANBU mission, but there was no blood or holes in his vest. Then, he thought he needed to shit; and when that didn't do anything but make it significantly _worse_, he headed to the hospital, where he could get some medicine to make the pain go away.

He was checked by the nurse; they determined nothing was wrong with him, and that he should just go home and rest.

He'd taken their advice; he'd gone home, crawled into his bed with his Jounin vest still on him, and fallen asleep. And when he'd woken up, he'd found fresh blood on his bed. He'd panicked, then, and raced to the hospital, almost certain that he was bleeding from the inside out.

"Help me," he begged the first nurse he saw. She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him, and he scowled, "I'm bleeding – I need assistance."

"Where are you bleeding from?" she asked, and crossed her arms. She walked him to a small alcove where no one walking by could hear them, and waited.

"I don't know!" he replied, frantically, and gestured towards the bottom half of his body which had been splashed with blood. "All I know is that I woke up with a lot of blood! I came here yesterday and was told to just sleep it off and –" he paused, narrowed his eyebrows at her, and glared. She was starting to laugh. "This is serious."

"Of – of course it is," she said, in between cackles of laughter. She cleared her throat. "I just know what the problem is."

"What – what's the problem?"

"You started your period." There was no joke in her voice, this time, and he floundered for a moment, caught off-guard, before he growled at her.

"But only girls get –"

"You _are _a girl, Kakashi-chan," the nurse said. She lowered her voice. "The best way to accept it is by telling yourself that you _are _a girl. Because you _are _one, no matter what you might believe." She patted him on the head. "You should go buy some pads, so you don't bleed everywhere."

When he left, it was with a mixture of shame and revulsion.

* * *

He was fifteen when he noticed strange lumps forming on his chest, but he didn't bother with wondering what, exactly, they were. He bound them to his chest using bandages – because, while he was ignorant in matters such as his body, he wasn't ignorant to what kind of infection he might have contracted. So he didn't mind, for a while, about the infection; after all, it'd go away soon, and after that, he didn't have to worry.

But, as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, he worried about the lumps on his chest a hell of a lot more, because they weren't showing signs of infection; they were showing signs of… abnormal growth.

So, like every other time something strange had happened to him, he went to the hospital and asked about it. Frustratingly, he was told they were called 'breasts' and that the abnormal growth was found on every _woman_, and that the Academy should've told him about it. Of course, when Kakashi had been in the Academy, he was too young to know about the names of the anatomy, and had been sent out of that class until it had ended, and he had been none the wiser about it.

He was told the most crucial parts of the anatomy he had to hit to be ruthless, to kill, to hunt, but he wasn't told about bodies.

* * *

He was sixteen when he was confessed to by Maito Gai.

He'd have been flattered if he wasn't so knee-deep in his own shame, and if he had found any male at all attractive. Because, the fact of the matter was, he didn't like men… like that. He liked women. He liked Gai, sure, but he liked Gai as a _friend_, and he'd never be able to see Gai any differently.

So he told Gai that… he couldn't.

He'd seen the look of devastation on Gai's face, so he'd pulled him aside, so no one could hear them, and told him why. Why he could never give what Gai wanted him to give; he was a man. While he wasn't one on the outside – yet – he felt it so strongly, that he couldn't lie to himself. He couldn't lie to Gai. He didn't want Gai to be called _gay _or _queer _or _fag_ or _homosexual_; not for his sake.

Gai had been… different, but accepting.

He'd hugged Kakashi, and told him he understood.

He'd _understood_, whereas no one else – not even Minato, his Jounin Instructor – had.

* * *

He was eighteen when he decided he wanted to make his gender official. He pulled out all of his savings, went to the hospital, and asked. They told him it'd take years; not the surgery itself, but the transition between woman and man.

But he never saw himself as a woman; because he never _was_, so he told them to shove all of their opinions up their asses, and to just make him on the outside what he was on the inside. They'd floundered, and blustered, and told him he should take medication for _at least _a year, see a psychologist, and come back when he was ready.

He'd given in, after so many professional doctors told him he should go and get himself ready.

* * *

It takes two years, nearly three, of readjusting his life, and getting used to everyone's different reactions to his new gender. It didn't surprise anyone that knew him in the least, because as far as anyone in Konohagakure knew, he had always been male; in looks, in personality, and in spirit.

* * *

He was twenty-four when he first came into contact with Minato's legacy.

It'd been ten years, and not once, had Kakashi seen the little blonde hellion. He hadn't bothered; he didn't have the time, and he just didn't care. But he'd come into contact with her, somehow, someway, and he noticed things that he probably shouldn't have.

He noticed that Naruto – because that was the blonde's name, as weird as it was – while acting like an idiot, wasn't _exactly _a complete idiot. She was an idiot, don't get him wrong, but she wasn't as idiotic as she'd been portrayed as – or, as he suspected, portrayed to be. He'd followed her around the whole day, as per the quest that the Third Hokage had asked of him, and he didn't mind.

He'd been startled into smiling and laughing while trailing after her, and she wasn't at all like what Minato had been, nor had she been as what Kushina had been. And he didn't mind, because she was her own person, embraced it, and didn't care what anyone else thought – except for Sakura, but that was mainly because, well, Sakura had been her first – and last – friend.

He was twenty-six when Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke had been put on his team, and he'd been so sure that they'd fail. He'd _hoped _beyond _hope _that they'd fail, but they didn't, and, really, he didn't regret it.

* * *

He did regret it when Sasuke left to join Orichimaru.

* * *

And it hurt that Sakura had been stolen from him by Tsunade.

* * *

And it hurt even more when Naruto left on her adventure with Jiraiya, leaving him all alone.

* * *

He was thirty when Naruto came back a different woman – a fully grown woman, with breasts (and he remembered how annoying they were, how they tried to get into everything he did, no matter what it was) and long hair (she'd grown her blonde hair long, and it suited her, above all else) and that infectious, beautiful smile of hers.

Naruto had grown into a woman, just like Sakura had.

"Kakashi-sensei! I'm back!" she called out to him, and he raised one hand at her and waved, feeling somewhat shy. But he pushed it back.

He replied with, "Welcome back, Naruto," and got her wonderful grin in response.

It made his chest hurt, because he'd missed out on so much _growing_, but he's altogether pleased, because he realised he didn't really want that kind of relationship with Naruto. He didn't want to _just _be a teacher to her. He didn't want to be _just _anything with her.

He wanted to be _everything _with – and for – her.

* * *

He was thirty and a half when he died, and met his father.

He had been anxious, and scared, for this moment to come – because what if his father shunned him for being what he was, what he could've been? But his father doesn't. His father wasn't that type of man, he realised; Sakumo Hatake loved with everything he had.

"I always knew it," Sakumo admitted, grinning largely, showing off his teeth. "You never did was normal girls did, but I didn't mind. You were Kakashi, and that's all that I wanted."

Kakashi cried, then, and clung to his father like he wanted to back when he was young, back when he had been hated by everyone just for being Sakumo's son. He'd wanted to hug his father and tell him that he'd miss him, the night his father hung himself, but he couldn't have; his father had been dead, and for a long time.

So he cried on his father, and his father patted his back.

"It was nice to see you grown up, Kakashi," Sakumo told him, once he'd pulled back and away from the hug, "but it's not your time to die."

And that was when he became _truly _alive.

* * *

He was thirty-six, when he asked Naruto out on a date. She'd been bewildered, at first, thinking it to be a joke; and he told his Hokage that it wasn't, and that he'd liked her for a very, very long time.

She'd blushed and looked down, twiddling her thumbs just like the Hyuuga heiress, and he'd leaned over and kissed her, just as he'd wanted to kiss her since he was thirty.

She kissed him back, and when they pulled back, they were both smiling and blushing, and that was when he told her the truth – that he'd once thought he was a man when he had been a girl. She'd told him, point blank, that she didn't care. That even if he'd still been a woman still thinking he was a man, she still wouldn't have minded, because, in the end, she liked Kakashi, as well.

* * *

He was thirty-eight when he'd asked Naruto to marry him, and she did, quite happily and with tears, as well.

* * *

He was thirty-nine when he became a father, not just a husband, and he looked down at the small bundle with shocking blonde hair that was gravity defying, just like his. He'd looked into Naruto's eyes, and smiled, telling her he loved her.

* * *

He was eighty-seven when he died a man, father and husband.

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**Note: **In the real world, people that have changed their gender (from woman to man) _cannot _impregnate anyone, because they don't have any sperm.


End file.
